Scattered Ramblings of the PTSD Mind

Life is crazy.

Every morning I wake up thinking: Today has got to be better than yesterday. Things can’t possibly be that awful again today. And then halfway through the day, after a few temper tantrums, a runaway, and some violence, my mantra becomes: Well, we survived it yesterday; we can last a little longer today. My therapist says that I should focus on “Nothing ever stays the same.” That way, whether things get worse or better, I don’t have to change my mind set. She also said I should stop restricting myself with the word “should.” Instead, I should might say “can, could, may, or something else less restrictive.” That’s a tough one, since I’m not only a mom but also a preacher’s kid, and therefore have an overwhelming sense of obligation to be a protector/provider/caregiver for all of mankind. We didn’t touch on that, though I did agree that I would be willing to throw away my inclination to tell myself that I should be perfect, because, well, obviously, that’s just not gonna happen.

Anywho… I had said at one point that I would be writing about the abuse and all that jazz. I still plan to do that, but it requires a lot of time and energy, which I don’t have at the moment. So instead, I think I’ll vent about the crap we’re dealing with now (as a result of said abuse) in the few spare moments I have on days like today where I actually manage to wake up before everyone starts needing me for something.

Like I said, life is crazy. And, perhaps, so am I. But hey, nothing ever stays the same.


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